Fixing A Broken Heart (After The Loving...)

I just can’t help but feel some pity for someone I saw on the news days ago. He killed himself for having some troubles with his girlfriend. A friend who was watching with me at that time laughed and said that he’s crazy, for how could he kill himself just for having a broken heart?

Some people may react different ways about the idea of having a broken heart because of failed relationships. At most, especially if you are not the one suffering from it, you may think that the broken hearted’s feelings will just go away in just a click. Some people may feel so depressed and may even result to self directed hatred and worst of all, suicide.

In reality, no matter how we react on it, having a broken heart can be devastating. It can rob you off your self worth and you could find yourself struggling so hard that you may fail to live normally like you used to.

Let’s face the fact that failed relationship where in we have to lose someone is like dealing with death and dying. Not every one of us is equipped with so much ability to adjust and bounce back like nothing had happened. Aside from that, as long as we keep a relationship, we invest on our emotions and time for the one we love. We sacrifice many things just to be with him or even cope with his expectations and demands just to find ourselves in the middle of nowhere when the relationship dies.

Truly, broken hearts can also mean broken dreams and broken promises. As soon as we lose the one we love, we have to face life without him. Here are a few ways to mend a broken heart and somehow ease the pain.

•  On the first day after the break up and within a week:

1. Cry as much as you need to. You may refrain from doing the routine that you do everyday. Take some time off from work or school. Do what you like at home or anywhere that you feel like going. If you feel like sleeping all day, do it. Indulge with your comfort food while you cry and sob as much as you need to.

2. Call a trusted friend to talk to. Talk all about your hurts and how you feel. Pour out all the emotions that are inside you. You can ask your friend to be with you to watch some movie, or rent a DVD of your favorite movie so that you can watch it in the privacy of your home. You can choose from comedy to movies that may make you cry. Surprising as it may seem, but watching some sad movies during a hard time may also help in the healing process.

3. Accept the reality that your relationship that you thought would last did not work out. And appreciate the fact that you are now heart broken for once in your life, you fell in love. It does not necessarily mean that once you have accepted this fact, you are healed from a broken heart. Acknowledge how the pain is hurting you so bad at the moment.

4. Pray as much as you need to and as long as you feel like doing it. No matter where you are, if you feel the urge to pray, pray from the heart. Cry out loud in prayer that you can make it through the grieving process.

• After a week:

1. Make sure that on this day, you have acknowledged the fact that you have lost someone that you hold dear in your heart. Start and try to socialize again even if you don’t feel like doing it at this moment. Make sure that you don’t cry as often as the days after the break up.

2. Express how you feel through your journal or as always, talk to a trusted friend or love one.

3. Go out of town to change your environment. This will minimize you from missing your ex. Staying on the same place and having a chance to pass by a place where you both used to spend time together may cause you to miss him even more. Your working place or school may also be one of the places where you think of him all the more for it is where he fetches you or where you meet everyday.

4. Listen to relaxing music or even to love songs. Some may make you cry but after that, you may feel better.

5. Do a hobby that you have been longing to spend more time on.

6. Call your ex if you feel like calling him, but if fighting with him is a possibility, DON’T CALL AT ALL. If you need to tell him some things but are not sure if it will only cause a fight, try writing it on your journal or compose a letter for him but NEVER mail it. The most vital thing at this moment is that you can bring out all your feelings and say all sorts of hurtful words that you long to say whether he will know them or not.

7. Remove everything that he has given you like love letters or any keepsakes from your sight. You can throw or burn them or just give away the keepsakes. However, if you don’t feel like doing this, just keep them away from your sight so that you will not be tempted to look at them over and over again and you won’t be reminded of your ex often.

• …. And onwards:

1. You can always do what you have done in the past week, but make sure not to attempt to call your ex anymore no matter what.

2. Never stop surrounding your self with people and friends that emphasize the positive in your life.

3. Start pampering your self, go to the gym and start a balanced diet. This will not only boost the production of your feel good hormones which are helpful in keeping the blues away, but it will also make you look better as you reach your ideal weight. On the other hand, balanced diet will also help you have better looking skin.

4. Take time to relax, visit the spa and your favorite salon. Do a beauty make over if you wish.

5. Start going on a date when you feel like it.

6. Socialize in a positive way – never drink alcohol or use drugs to “forget”.

7. Surround yourself with people who helps you to forget your ex and keep away from people who gives you false hope about winning your ex back.

8. Learn ways to keep yourself from remembering your ex. Every time he/ she enter your mind, divert your thoughts to other things.

1. Never blame your self or your ex for a failed relationship. Keep in mind that there are things and people that come in our life. Each has their own role- some may last a lifetime and some may just linger for a short span of time. But no matter what kind of role that they have played, they are part of what and who you become, and it is up for you to make the most out of an experience may it be good or bad. You drive your own life in your own perspective. As long as you focus on the positive in every aspect of your life, you can always make it wonderful. IT IS ALWAYS YOUR CHOICE to emphasize the POSITIVE.

2. You are not alone who suffers a broken heart. Millions and billions out there are struggling to mend as you do. Do not let self pity linger too long that it alters your day to day life.

3. Failing to keep a relationship does not mean that you are less of a person. Don’t let it affect your self worth, no matter who brought up the idea of breaking up first.

4. Learn to forgive your ex, but most of all, forgive your self.

5. Do not rush into another relationship just to cope with a broken heart or just to show your ex that you can replace him/ her in a minute. You will just hurt your self much more.

6. Healing and forgiveness is a slow step by step process, if you like to build a friendship with your ex, be sure that you have healed and truly forgive. Do not offer friendship if you have a secret agenda like winning him/ her back.

7. Do not expect a romantic relationship to bounce back out of “friendship”. If you really like to be your friend’s ex, be a REAL FRIEND who can establish a platonic relationship.

8. Once you and your ex are friends again, NEVER attempt to ruin his/ her new romantic relationship. Learn to be happy for him/ her.

9. If you feel and think that you can’t be a real friend to your ex, don’t keep close and stop any form of communication.

10. NEVER rely on others to mend your broken heart. Put your own heart back into pieces, it does not matter if it has an empty space and new scars, because it means that you learned how to give and take. Once you have done this, you will be ready to love again without hurtful feelings and you will be happier than you can ever imagine.

11. Be thankful, for once in your life, you have been hurt for loving. You are human, and you had the courage to open your self to love and be hurt and some how learned and become more sturdy. At least, you can be better next time you learn to love again.

12. Break- ups can be a form of liberation. You become free of a relationship that is no longer working to help you become a better person, and you finally have the chance to do things that you were not able to do because you used to have no time for them or your ex may not have allowed you to do.

13. People and things affect you in a way that you allow them to. If you ruin your life just because of a failed relationship, NEVER blame your ex, because as always, it is always YOU who control your life. Be courageous to enforce the good, most especially in the most difficult time. And keep in mind that the ONLY way to do this is to keep praying and entrusting your life to HIM who loved you even before your time.

These are just a few of the many ways to mend your broken heart. There is really no uniform time frame in healing, cry if you must as much as you do but never fail to aspire to stop crying and believe that when something ends, life gives you a chance for a new beginning to be better and to explore things that you have not done before. Keep in mind that when you open your self to love, you must be ready to be hurt. For the ones who hurt us the most are the people we hold most dear in our hearts. It is not because they don’t care much, but it is because we expect more from them. But as much as we are imperfect, they too are not perfect. This is the very reason why there is a point when we just can’t cope up anymore and believe that we could be better in separate ways.

Lastly, keep reminding yourself that you may long so much to keep people and things in your life, but you will not be able to keep them all. For sometimes, the things and people that we dream of having for life are not always meant to be. We may know what we like but we may not always know what we need. Sometimes, we suffer much for liking what we don’t need. Just live life and move on, for God knows what and who you really need. In HIS time, you will just realize that you are really happy because finally you have what you’ve been needing all your life.

Time heals all wounds... but it is always your choice when to heal. What matters is that you mend all wounds and live again.

Copyright by DjBryle Works, 2010 (ALL RIGHTS RESERVED AND AUTHORIZED BY LAW)

Photo credits: Danilo Rizzuti/Freedigitalphotos.net

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